“Couple Bubble” is a term popularized by the author and couples therapist, Stan Tatkin, PhD. It describes a boundary that is mutually constructed by a couple that connects and protects the couple from big or little and inner or outer life events that challenge secure functioning. Secure functioning as described by Tatkin is a way of relating that prioritizes the relationship above all else. Secure functioning couples honor themselves, their partner, and are in service of the relationship.

A couple months ago while we all sheltered in place I was rummaging through one of my many bookshelves to weed out and donate to make room for new books. I don’t Kindle. I came across two copies of Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree. I’ve received 4 copies of this book as gifts over the course of my life. One copy I received as a baby gift 24 years ago. Most recently I received the 50th Anniversary edition that came with a narrated audio CD from a no longer “friend” who was a line pusher. I was in HS when I received this book the first time. I pulled a copy off the shelf and began to read it.

Emotions provide information about self and life and they can teach us a lot about who we are, others, and what it means to be human. Experiencing emotions can help develop compassion for self and others. Often people think that feeling emotions is a sign of weakness or a sign of pathology. Here’s the kicker, to summarize therapist, writer, yoga teacher Stephen Cope, what we exile from our experience comes back as an unwanted guest. What we don’t allow ourselves to feel comes back in many forms, a lack of joy, muscle tension, irritability and impatience, lack of vitality, road rage and even depression and anxiety. Furthermore, shutting down to emotions is a way we disconnect with ourselves and others fueling alienation and loneliness.

Culturally we are conditioned pretty early to shut down aspects of ourselves. Usually in early childhood we learn to constrict parts of ourselves, likes, dislikes, feelings etc. If we do this we lose connection with different aspects of self.

In therapy I often see people hold their breath or try to stop themselves from crying when they’re feeling sad. But when we stop ourselves from crying, we are actually shutting off the physical anatomy involved in crying and feeling sad by contracting parts of the body. We contract/tense ourselves to not feel things; things we’ve been conditioned to not feel okay with or that make us feel uncomfortable.

When the symptoms of anxiety and/or depression interfere with life it’s time to ask yourself some important questions. What in your life is calling for your attention? Unsatisfying work? Relationship doubts you haven’t voiced? How are you engaging your life and your relationship with yourself? Are you in alignment with what’s important to you?What beliefs and conditioning might be contributing to symptoms?

These are just a few questions that can orient you toward the message of your symptoms. Viewed this way depression and/or anxiety can be signaling what’s right: Life calling your attention to something that isn’t working for you.

At different times in life, people cross our paths and stay for a season or years. Relationships are evolving, dissolving, stagnating, or they become arenas of struggle and pain. It is perfectly natural for relationships to run their course. Our suffering in relationships comes from a desire to control the person we’re in a relationship with or the outcome of the relationship. Rather than accept and let go once a relationship has run its natural course, couples can feel like they’ve failed or done something wrong that’s led to the dissolution of a relationship. Couples can fight for years trying to change and/or punish the other in their desire to get what they want in a mate.

After years of working with patients, I’ve discovered that there are tiny little things we do every day that ultimately contribute to the way we feel. Our habits, our thoughts or our emotions all play a part. Below are some of things you might inadvertently be doing that contribute to your overall depression and mood.

Put Your Body in Neutral and Let Autopilot Take Over. Each day you rise, work relentlessly at a job that you liked for maybe five minutes probably five years ago, come home and care for others, fall into bed and repeat the next day. Your life drives itself.

That means that everything joyful falls by the wayside. When is the last time you went out and played in nature? Skipped up the stairs instead of taking the elevator or allowed the world to look brand new?

The great news is that treatment options are getting better every day.

Gone are the days where psychotherapy meant laying on a coach and analyzing everything through a Freudian lens of conflict with the id, ego and the superego. Treatment options now offer individuals seeking relief, real and lasting options that go beyond traditional methods. Tools, updated techniques and modernization all put the client more in the driver’s seat than ever, which can be helpful for overall individual development. Personally, it has provided me with more options to truly help people overcome problems and live full, transformative lives.

Let’s take a look at some of the top trends and what they mean for you.

I anticipate the perfect cup before I go to bed at night which for me is rich of the French Roast variety, hot, almost to the point of burning but not quite, and just the perfect amount of half and half, (no substitutions). I savor that first cup, relish in it, feast on it, and reflect on it later from time to time. I also love to talk about my coffee love with others who love coffee.

My love affair with coffee has inspired me to question the cultural messages about pursuing pleasure and weave more pleasure into daily life: I want to become a reasonable hedonist. Too much of a good thing is no longer good, like more than 2 generous cups I shake and can’t round up my thought.